Quite Frankly

The more I work in cubicle land the more I discover that many people should have repeated kindergarten.  Why? Because they obviously did not learn all the lessons it had to offer the first time around.  I think it would be perfectly acceptable for most people to repeat it.  Probably about once a decade.  Kind of like a tetnus shot. 

Here is a short list of things I commonly observe that should be on the syllabus:
1-Use your inside voice when you are inside.  Translation: do not use your speaker phone in your cube.  Now go write that on the chalkboard or whiteboard or whatever 1000 times so you don't forget.  Especially if you are in the IT department. 
2-Stay on task.  Translation: do not have personal phone conversations in your cube.  Take a break and go somewhere else (an empty meeting room, your car, outside...anywhere else!).  I don't care if it's your wife calling, I don't want to hear even one side of your conversation about your kids.  I also don't want to hear about your pets (just because I have pets does not mean I want to hear about yours) or where your child is thinking about going to college or your worries about how you will afford it (they are called college loans!!).  I also don't care what you watched on tv or ate last night.  And I really don't care how your workouts or your diet is going.  Go get a coffee and talk if you must. 
3-If you can't say anything nice about someone then don't say anything.  Translation: do not have conversations about politics in your cube.  I may have formerly tolerated you, but now that I know what you think of the president I may go to extreme measures to avoid ever using your services again.  Everyone can be marginalized.
4-Treat other people how you want to be treated.  Translation: an office door does not make you invisible.  It also does not necessarily make your voice quieter.  We can all still hear and see you.  And if you close the blinds on your interior window it just makes me suspicious of what you are doing in there with the door closed.  I heard every word of that employee's review as well as what you said about our entire department to the big bosses out of state.
5-Share.  Translation: no one likes to be kept in the dark and fed shit.  We all know the guy in the corner office quit, but why haven't you announced it yet?  And did you promote the front desk admin? Because she is now sitting somewhere else and someone new is at the front desk.  And who is she anyway? 
6-If you don't have enough for everyone then don't eat it in front of us.  Translation: if you bring treats for the office, then tell everyone.  Don't just take it to your local coffee station (Engineering) and not invite everyone to the party.  Also, don't make popcorn in the microwave.  It's evil. 
7-If you make a mess, clean it up.  Translation: I hate when I throw something and miss the trash can too, but if I'm willing to throw it I'm willing to pick it up. 
8-Say you're sorry.  Translation: if you falsely accuse someone of something, be a real human and apologize.  Otherwise, it's slander.  No one forgets how you make them feel. 
9-Share.  Translation: did you seriously tell your boss that you won that contract all by yourself?  Maybe you should go ahead and do all the work then too.  Oh, wait, you are just a marketing guy.  What do we need you for again?  And why do you get a bonus?  You don't do any work!
10-Play fair.  Translation: when the shit hits the fan (and it always will), don't blame your co-workers.  Own up to your part in the mess and work together as a team to fix the mess.

Happy Green Giggle Nest

Attitude is everything.  It's next to impossible to find a great place to work with great people and a great boss.  So I take what I can get.  At this job I get lots of little surprises.  It makes me listen really hard which means I mostly have to shut up to hear the good stuff.  Like finding the zen garden someone left on top of the map filing cabinets.  I rake the sand every time I am over in that part of the cube maze.  Someone else is also raking it but I have never caught them at it.  Sometimes I move the rocks or lay the temple on its side.

There's also a collection of magnetic words on the cabinets.  I randomly collect some and put them in someone's cube on their shelf.  Today I put 'happy green giggle nest' in a junior engineer's cube.  He caught me once so he knows it's me, but sometimes he doesn't notice for a few days.

And then there's the holiday decorating.  I decided my theme this year was poinsettias.  So I found a couple pretty pictures and printed them off to put up below my name tag.  It makes me smile.  And that makes people nervous.

Reality show

I would say that I have spent at least my fair share of life in school as well as in the workplace. One consistent observation I have is that most schooling is not aimed at preparing you for the workplace. Sometimes I feel like I must be in a reality show with what I see at work. There should be a required class that teaches you what to do when your boss lies about you to HR. or what to even do when you find yourself at a meeting with HR present. Or when to call your lawyer. It isn't enough to do good work or be a good employee. You have to always document events. Even things that seem insignificant at the time. I remember a time when I thought it was weird when the new guy did not join us for social events and he kept to his work schedule like a clock. Now I might be asking him for a job because he was able to flee faster than me and was better prepared to leave a situation that suddenly became bad.

Holiday Flo

Flo and I have new digs again....looking forward to staying put for a while.  She is sporting her holiday bling after being very visible to everyone walking around on the 2nd floor for the past six months.  People actually know where I sit because they know where the office with the flamingo is.....not sure if that is good or bad yet.  I also decorated my boss's office for the holidays.  He was in Hawaii for two weeks, so I thought it would be appropriate to have him return to a fake lighted palm tree and poinsetta leis in his office.  The leis eventually migrated from the doorway to the tree. 

The Non Smiler

There are always so many new personalities to adjust to at every workplace. Especially when there is a merger (and by merger I mean a sale of one company to another). It takes a while to sort out who is reacting out of fear, who is truly generous and kindhearted, who feels information is power (and witholding information makes them feel powerful), and who is shy. And then there are the other people. The ones who even after months of working on the same floor in the same building you still have no idea what to think of them. I've never seen so many in one place before. I feel like I missed the cloning room or something. One particular feature of these mystery people is their quietness. Meek only goes so far. Ignoring will not make reality different. And the unsmiling not talking about anything other than work....yeah, it's just flat out annoying and rude eventually. Soon I will be forced to give up and just label them 'they who can't accept reality and don't play well with others'. Not that that will change anything. I'm just sayin'.....because it's my blog and I can.

New Flamingo Parking

This is Flo, a lamp I inherited when a former co-worker went on sabatical. She has kept me sane on many days. She also helps me make a very bold statement when I get a new job. I moved her with me to my State job, where she confirmed my new co-worker's suspicions that I was not a standard State worker. She picked up some binder clips in her braid there and is settling in nicely at my new workplace. In my office...with a door....and enough room to park my bike.... I waited a few days to bring her in; I started with the binderclip sculpture from the State job. It went over well, so I brought in my calendars and then Flo. Amazing how long it took some people to notice her.

Fish On

Last week a lovely lady was downsized from our office. It was disturbing and, in my opinion, handled poorly. So I spent the rest of the afternoon filling up the fountain in my office. And last night when I went to the pet store to buy dog and cat fud, I bought fish too. My mom came shopping with me...on the phone from the comfort of her home. She had a great time. So did the people behind me in line when I expressed hope that the fish would live...and then realized I had forgotten to put food for them in the cart. They are currently enjoying hiding in the back of the fountain where no one can see them. If they make it past a week I'll get them some rocks. If they make it a month, I'm getting a pirate ship.